My Lived Experience: Teresa Reja
Understanding the lived experience of our colleagues is central to our disability inclusion strategy. It raises awareness of visible and non visible disabilities and debunks the myths around the umbrella term of ‘disability’. To mark International Day of Persons with Disabilities, we have created a series – ‘Enable: My Lived Experience’ where we speak to our colleagues to find out about their own, or family members’, lived experience to discover what it means for them in their day-to-day role at Clifford Chance. This week we speak to Teresa Reja.
Hi Teresa! Tell us about you and your role at Clifford Chance.
I’ve worked in the Madrid office for 26 years, first on reception when the office was still very small and there was a real family atmosphere. We all knew each other well, and I remember it as a great time. I left reception after two years and played a mixed role as an assistant to lawyers, to the IT department and to the fledgling translation department I currently work as a Project Manager in the Translation Department, and I have seen both the team and our Madrid office grow significantly.
Tell us about your experience as a parent of a child with Down Syndrome.
My younger son Alejandro, who’s now 16, was born with Down Syndrome, a congenital heart disease, and a host of characteristics associated with Down syndrome. Some of these issues, which I’m still working on with him to this day, include hypotonia, postural issues, difficulties with speaking and with simple tasks such as holding a fork or a spoon. It’s a long list, and until you’ve lived through it you can’t really understand it. My pregnancy was completely normal; I received the news [that Alejandro had Down Syndrome] in the delivery room. I won’t go into detail, but anyone who reads this and is a parent can imagine the blow that I felt. The doubts, the uncertainty, the sadness, the fear, the anger, the disorientation, the pain in my soul - a deep pain that’s difficult to describe - invaded my life for a while. Although now I am fortunate enough to know how to control these feelings and not let them take over, at the time I had no option other than to take the bull by the horns and carry on with life. Alejandro has taught me to be patient (very patient!), to think about the present and the future (if only the short-term future), to value what we - who think of ourselves as “normal” - have without having to work for it. He’s taught me to live the meaning of the words persistence, empathy, resilience and unconditional love on a daily basis.
How has Clifford Chance enabled you to work and thrive?
Clifford Chance has been by my side since the moment my son was born. I cannot forget some of the lovely messages I had and the support of the Managing Partners and peers. As my maternity leave went on, with all its unimaginable scares and troubles, I finally started to see a glimmer of normality as my son started to receive early intervention. From almost the moment he was born he underwent important therapies like physiotherapy, due to his severe hypotonia. I also met other parents in my situation, which helped alleviate my distress somewhat. I went back to work when Alejandro was five months old, and a few days later he got chickenpox. This disease, the doctors told me, could be fatal if severe enough. My son ended up in the ICU, intubated with arespirator and with bilateral pneumonia caused by the chickenpox, which almost resulted in his death. Here, again, Clifford Chance was by my side, giving me job security and letting me take all the time I needed until my situation was under control.
Continued
I needed 13 months; 13 months of intense work and harrowing moments, during which I learned to handle nursing equipment: the tracheotomy tube, pulse oximeter, oxygen, Ambu (Airway Mask Bag Unit) bag, secretion aspirator, catheters. There was even a time when, having recently got back home after spending three months in the hospital, I saved his life. The doctors from the emergency medical service couldn’t believe it when they got to us. They almost had to take me. I went back to my old position at Clifford Chance a year and a half after giving birth. I came back exhausted but delighted to get back to my work routine. The firm again opened its doors to me like a new arrival, and I think to this day, and I say proudly, that if it weren’t for Clifford Chance everything would have been much harder than it was.
How have you enabled yourself and your family?
I always say that disabilities are like an endurance race. Just like in preparing for a marathon, you have to work at it every day, and you learn with practice. The theory didn’t help me much because that’s all it is: theory. Every child with a disability, even the same one, is different. I’ve learned by observing my son a lot and spending a great deal of time with him, taking him to his therapies, talking and listening to the professionals, looking for new resources, and being constantly active for 16 years. His brother has it innately; he loves him deeply and has seen him as normal from the start. When he grew up and was able to see the problems involved in having a brother with a disability, he just said that the only thing he missed was not having been able to play with him like he would have done if he had a brother without Down Syndrome.
How has the pandemic affected you?
At the end of 2019 I started to feel very tired psychologically and physically, but above all mentally. At the end of January 2020, I had to take leave because I felt unable to continue with my day-to-day role. I needed to rest, and they referred me to a mental health support service. I started with counselling a few weeks before the state of emergency and the lockdown were declared in Spain. The lockdown allowed me to rest, to work with my counsellor over Skype, to live for almost four straight months with just my sons. Not only did I learn a lot with them and from them, but I was able to rediscover myself, to value myself and to take charge of my life (a wonderful expression that I learned from my counsellor).
What is one piece of advice you would give to others who may have a concern about sharing their disability, long-term injury or condition with the firm or with the wider world?
Life is very fickle and in life things sometimes happen to us that we wouldn’t want to have happen, but that unfortunately are outside our control. If life confronts you with a disability or a family member who you must care for, as in my case, there’s no use complaining, lamenting, getting bitter, thinking “why me?”. The best thing you can do is accept it, come to terms with it and “take full advantage of it” to help you see how wonderful it is to live despite having a disability. I wouldn’t change my son for anything; I love him just as he is and I only hope to see him as an adult, living independently and going out with his friends without needing me to be there in person.
If I’ve learnt something over these years coexisting with disabilities, it’s not seeing limits in people, breaking down barriers and smashing stereotypes.
For society to advance, I would tell others that if they dare to come out and show themselves just as they are, with their difficulties and their needs, they’ll be doing the rest of us a great favor by giving us the opportunity to adapt and to learn with them. All told, I have to say that Alejandro only really began to walk independently when he was almost 11. That story is an entire chapter of its own.